My Inner Demon
by DepravityAwaits
Summary: Judal has fallen for Sinbad and he'd do anything to make this crush go away. At the same time he fights his inner demon. Kouen promises to help him with this but it is not quite what Judal had expected it to be and this drags him into dark situations that he wish he never would have encountered. A SinJu love story, with hints of EnJu, JuHaku and SinJa. Rated T to be safe
1. The prince

**Warning: This story contains boyxboy and naturally some OOC-ness. It also contains the ships SinJu (Sinbad x Judal) which is the main couple of the story, EnJu (Kouen x Judal), JuHaku (Judal x Hakuryuu) and SinJa (Sinbad x Ja'far).  
I apologize in advantage for every spelling mistake, this is written with my iPad, also English is not my mother tongue and I have tried to correct every error I could find but of course I cannot promise that all are gone. Please overlook it if you may see one?**

The night had fallen over the Empire and the autumn leaves glowed slightly in the dark while the red and brown leaves blended in with the darkness and disappeared into the shadows. Still, even though this night was very chilly and evidence of that the winter nights were soon to come, the dark magi would not move away from the spot he been sitting on since the afternoon that day. The cold did not bother him that much, as he had a lot to think about, about things that had not even once bothered him before but now had been on his mind for the whole day. It was frustrating, he had to admit, to be so occupied with thoughts of things that had not bothered him even once before in his life. This caused his rukh, seem even more blacker than usually, if possible, a very dark and deep shade of black. The clearest sign of weakness in him, which he still loved.  
Anybody who had tried to approach him was immediately pushed away by him as he did not feel like socializing with any of them that one day. Of course, they found it strange since Judal usually did the talking for most but this very day he hardly even looked at them, which they found weird and some a bit worrying. However despite the concerns of some, they allowed him to sit alone and sort his own thoughts out without the help of anybody else.  
All that had been on his mind, was the words of one king whom he was very familiar with, Sinbad, the high king of the seven seas. Why would he not want to conquer the world together with him? This angered him a lot, as Sinbad was one of the few people he really longed to be with, to be able to stand tall by his side, as his magi and not as the magi of the Kou Empire. Not that it mattered much anyway, this country was strong and fierce, with many dungeon conquerors and he had many king vessels. The Kou Empire had grown very strong and this fact was well known to the other countries and Judal was very happy, no, overwhelmed to be its Magi.  
Besides, he did find the people here interesting and fun.  
Especially Kouen and Hakuryuu interested him but..

They were not him. They did not look at him the way that he did. He was a tricky person, somebody who was unpredictable, somebody with a huge distaste for this very magi but still would care for him when he could see all of the pain he had suffered through. It was weird whenever he saw compassion in those amber colored eyes, empathy directed towards to him, though even though it was indeed something he found rather weird, it gave him this warm feeling of happiness. However, Sinbad had his eyes on somebody else, with hair as white as snow instead of his black and beautiful long hair. He envied and hated that very man to the bottom of his heart.

What was it that he had, which Judal himself lacked? Probably many different things but he wanted to know what it was that made him so much more special than a depravity fallen magi. Magis are amazing creatures, he had been taught that, while Ja'far was only Sinbad's household member.  
He was not nearly as special as he was and the black Magi was almost certain that he would never be.

Jealousy.

He had seen them, doing things he had never heard about, nor had experienced himself even once in his life. Their lips had been tightly pressed against the other's and they would keep going until their lips had gone swollen, then, Sinbad would hold the other male so protectively in his arms and then they would fall asleep together, just like that and there was nothing more to it, simple as it was, it made Judal envy the general. Why was it Ja'far who Sinbad held in his arms? Why was it not him? Sometimes he would close his eyes and imagine that the man who stood by his side was not that man but himself, even though he knew that this was not possible, it gave him comfort, if only a little but enough to face the king in fights and pretend that he did not feel all of these silly things for him, which indeed had developed into a huge problem for the Magi lately, it hurt him worse than any other type of pain that he had experienced and physical pain at least vanished at some point but this sorrow of his engulfed his heart and it was rather persistent.

"Judal, what are you doing out here?" a deep and dark voice asked, it was not hard for the dark haired man to guess who it belonged to, in fact, he recognized it very well.  
"Kouen." was all Judal had to say to him as a reply, not really sure about what to tell him since he could obviously not tell this man that he had been thinking about the king of another country, the whole day.  
"You'll catch a cold." said the now identified man to the dark magi, watching his back.  
"I couldn't sleep.." said the dark magi, which was not a lie since it was partly his reasons for staying outside.  
"And why is that?" Kouen sighed and walked up to him, even though he was well aware of that the person those crimson red orbs belonged to, did not wish for any company this one night and would rather have him leave him alone.

Judal looked up at the man who stood next to him, slightly irritated that he would not respect his wishes but he was not in the mood to argue, at least not with Kouen. He was his one favorite king vessel, a rather amazing man to be honest and very strong. Since Kouen was the conquerer of not only one dungeon but three, he was his next choice. It was okay to not be able to have Sinbad, if it was Kouen he'd get instead.

"I asked you a question since I care about your well being. Now answer." said Kouen with a stern look.  
"Do you usually know why you're unable to sleep?" Judal sighed and hugged his knees, even though he was very well aware of what, or more like who it was that kept him awake this cold autumn night.

Once again, the thoughts went back to the king, rather annoying if you asked the magi but right now he was not able to control his own mind, it just kept drifting away and told him to think about the king of Sindria, like he already had for an entire day. He was aware of that Kouen went on and on about something which at the moment seemed so very unimportant to him, because he couldn't hear him, he couldn't make himself listen to the words that he spoke, even though he tried to.  
Then the magi happened to have a slip of tongue and said the name of the king that has haunted his thoughts as well as dreams, since he really wanted to hear it, even if it was for just one more time.

"Sinbad."

Not only Kouen was surprised about this, Judal was too but only he knew already that the name has been on the tip of his tongue for quite a while now. However, he was indeed shocked to know that he dared to say his name in front of Kouen out of all people, at least in this way.

"What about him?" asked Kouen and raised one of his eyebrows, it was clear to the magi that he would not let him ignore this question. "Is that man the reason why you can't sleep?"  
".. I.." Judal sighed and decided to not hide it from him. "Yes."  
"Oh? Why?" he said and looked down at the dark magi who sat curled up by his side.  
"I don't know! I can't think of anything else but him!" said Judal and it was clear to the first prince of Kou Empire that he was upset about this. "Him and his advisor!"

At first he was surprised to hear this but as he was told this, he started to understand the full picture of what was actually going on and it made him shake his head and sigh but he was not disappointed with the magi,  
Of course, everyone falls in love at some point in their lives, it's natural, of course even this childish person who did not even know what it actually was that he was feeling, would too.  
He had as well, the only difference was that it had been a girl and her status had not even been near the one of the High King of the Seven Seas.

"Does it hurt when you think about him?" Kouen asked and continued when the young magi nodded. "Where?"  
"In here." replied Judal and placed his hand on his chest, over his beating heart. "I want it to disappear."  
"Do you want me to help you make it disappear?" asked Kouen.  
_"Yes."_

* * *

His head was spinning and his body ached.  
This was not what he had meant when he told Kouen to help him make the pain and suffering disappear from his heart. To be honest, he did not even know himself what he had meant but..  
It was not this. Whatever this was.  
He wanted to be with Sinbad, not with Kouen but right now that was the man he was looking at and nobody else.  
Why?

_"This was not what I wanted."_ his whisper was very faint but loud enough for the red haired man to hear what he said.  
"I know but it's what I wanted." said he coldly and got dressed in his clothes that lay piled up next to the Magi's bed.

Judal watched the prince get up from the bed and leave the room, a wave of hopelessness seemed to wash over him and wrap around him like a cold, gloomy blanket as he left him there. This didn't help him at all, as it only made his heart hurt more and he sought comfort from the pillows in many different colors that lay on his bed, Judal hugged them tightly in his arms, against his naked chest.  
He did not like these type of feelings that had taken a huge place in his heart, he felt so horribly pathetic right now and the anxiety had risen and not disappeared like Kouen promised that he would help him with but instead he took advantage of him.  
'Stop' had the Magi told the prince so many times, he felt humiliated and used when he was weak, the shame was nearly unbearable when he thought about what had previously happened. This was the first time for weeks that he didn't think about the king in Sindria.  
Because he felt too ashamed when he did.

_"How could I allow myself to fall this low?"_

* * *

At the same time, at a place far away, where a very special king that has already been mentioned many times lived, the glasses were held high and huge amounts of wine was used up that night.  
What seemed like an endless amount of food, was served around to the citizens of Sindria that were present at this time, the music was upbeat and the dancers moved their bodies to the beat of the drums.  
The night was chilly and colder than it had been during the summer but the king, had of course not canceled the festival for this cause, they would enjoy themselves no matter the temperature and weather, which they had been very lucky with since the night was clear and starry, the slightly colder temperature did not matter to them at all.  
Slowly a white haired man walked up to the king that watched over his citizens while they were having a great time.

"Sin." whispered Ja'far into the king's ear as he stood next to him.  
"Yes?" replied Sinbad and looked at his general as he took his chin in his hand, studying his face. "What is it, Ja'far?"  
"You have not taken a single sip from your wine tonight. Are you feeling well?" asked Ja'far with a stern look on his face, ignoring the king's touch.  
"Yes, I'm fine. Don't worry." said the purple haired man and turned back to look at his people.

Ja'far sighed and clearly didn't believe his king's words, since as he looked at him, he could easily tell that something was very wrong with Sinbad but he didn't quite understand why, their current political status should not be a bother to him and there had been no threat from a country.  
'Perhaps it might be the Kou Empire.' Ja'far pondered as he watched him in silence. 'If so, this is not the right moment to ask him about it.'  
The general sighed once more and nodded at him, then left him with "Alright".

Sinbad noted Ja'far's withdrawal but he didn't pay much attention to it, lately, he had started to feel a distance towards him, a distance that he did not like. Because up until now, he had always been the one closest to him and to know that their relationship faded away to nothing was troubling for him and he started to regret many things because of this.  
Perhaps it was because he had confessed his feelings to his general and best friend, causing their relationship to take one step forward and this is what he got for it.  
He could not have described the happy feeling in his heart that he got when he found out that Ja'far returned his feelings for him but now he didn't feel just as happy about it anymore. Maybe he just was a man incapable of loving somebody that way for very long and secretly, in the darkest depths of his mind preferred a type where you did not feel anything for the other, no emotions or complicated feelings involved in it all.  
Or perhaps it was because a certain person always ran through his mind, every day, every hour and every time that he closed his eyes to fall asleep.  
It was an obsession with one person that he did not want to think about even once, he hated his guts and he just knew that this was not love.  
This was something dark, that he craved in the back of his mind, to posses something so strong and evil, it had to do with pride, to be able to hold something so incredibly special and it also had to do with power. To have something like him by his side, something so dangerous and dark.  
It would turn Sinbad into a very powerful man, he had reached this conclusion a few days back when he experienced another sleepless night thinking about the arrogant Magi.

_Judal._  
_He could turn him into a powerful and feared man but also loved by his country._  
_Together they could easily conquer the world._

Sinbad shook his head and scolded himself for even considering this idea, power was not what he was after, all he wanted was to create a peaceful country where people could live safely and happily altogether, without having to starve but it was so hard to ignore this offer when Judal kept giving it to him over and over again. He was only a human after all and mankind tend to grasp after more and more power whenever they had the chance, it was completely natural for him to think this since he already was a powerful man.  
'I won't be like the other kings.' Sinbad thought to himself. 'I can't be as human as they are.'  
And with that thought in mind, Sinbad decided to withdraw for the night, leaving his wine behind, untouched.


	2. Bittersweet lies

**_Terribly sorry for not updating this story for so long, I've been so busy with school and I kind of forgot that I had half a chapter finished on my iPad. Once again, I apologize for any spelling mistake which most definitely will occur but I did my best to track them and erase them, haha. I am sorry that this chapter turned out to be so very short but I will do my best to make it longer for the 3rd chapter. Thank you for reading chapter 2 of my story!_**

_As he ran through the area, he could feel the nearly unbearable heat from the fire that was running amok and see the vegetation burn up into flames. The smell of the smoke searched its way up to his nostrils and left a bittersweet taste on his tongue._

_The sight of the flames itself was very beautiful and impressive and Judal knew that if it hadn't been for the worry inside his heart that ate away at him alive like a parasite, he would most likely have been amused by the fire that was so out of control and like a beast burned down the country that had just hours ago been so full of life and joy. With children running on the streets and playing together, while the adults went to work and met their friends and colleagues but now not a single soul smiled or laughed, their emotions had instead turned into grief. Funny how everything can change in just a matter of seconds, joy can change to sorrow and life to death in just a moment._

_Sindria was on fire and a big amount of the citizens had fled out on sea with the remaining boats that hadn't been set on fire in the harbor, which was a huge amount of children. Because, of course, the children of the country had been top priority and the adults came second. They were all currently in safety and out of danger from any current life threatening threat, since their only goal right now was to burn down their home and have them watch as they became homeless and has nowhere to go to anymore and they were forced to watch as the rest of Sinbad's people that had been forced to stay on their island burned up together with the monstrous fire and screamed for m_ercy.

_And that was what worried Judal so much right now that he had to run around in this burning area and he could not just stand by and watch like he knew he would have if he knew that man was in safety, which he in this case was not but among there with the others somewhere in the suffocating and lethal flames._

_Sinbad was among those people that had been forced to stay because they had no other choice, burning up in the flames and as the flames died down, his body would've turned to pure ash and the black Magi of the country which had started the fire, Kou Empire, couldn't just allow that to happen so easily._

_If the king still refused to conquer the world with him, then Judal and only Judal, had the right to end his life when he wanted to, he would never allow some silly flames be the cause of the king's death, unless he so wished._

_Also, Judal hadn't wished for this fire to start, they just went ahead and decided to do it without asking him first or discussing it with him and this very fact angered him a lot. He felt betrayed and actually forgotten, since they didn't announce their decision to him up until a few hours ago before they decided to start their, 'oh, so brilliant' plan._

_Sindria was his territory and Sinbad was his and his alone, they had no right to just go ahead of him like that and to pretend that they could end the king's life whenever they felt like it. Perhaps they did because Kouen was aware of that the king of that country was a sensitive subject to Judal and therefore didn't let him have a say in it. Since he most likely knew that the Magi would've refused just the thought of it and suggest they left it all to him and stayed out of anything that had to do with the purple haired man which during the years became so important to the magi._

_But these thoughts didn't matter to him right now, the only thing that actually mattered at all was to find Sinbad before it was too late and the smoke and fire chose to take him down with them._

_Judal kept on running until he suddenly found himself standing in front of a wooden door with rather beautiful carvings into the material. Confused he looked around at absolutely nothing and realized that there was no fire around and it seemed like it hadn't even touched this special place, which currently was unknown to him and it surprised the Magi._

_Slowly, he reached his hand out and put it on the small doorknob, somehow, he just knew that the door was open and all that he'd have to do was to give it a light push and then watch it open before his very eyes._

_Judal took a deep breath and pushed the door open as he stepped inside the space that was behind the door, much to his surprise, he noticed that he was holding his breath and he entered the space behind the door he just opened to investigate. A strange, rather uncomfortable light came from the room and it took Judal a few seconds for his crimson eyes to adjust to the sharp and blinding light so that he could see things around himself again._

_The sight that he was met by behind the closed doors made him flinch, as if he had been burned by fire or flinched away from pain, and his stomach twisted and turned when he saw a thick liquid, as red as his own eyes, pouring out from Sinbad's muscular chest, where also a metal sword had pierced him right made him wish that he would still be blinded by the light, unaware of what was waiting for him on the other side and he regretted even considering to open the door to find out what was behind it._

_The black magi's eyes were wide as he stared at the man who just had been executed only a few minutes ago at most, not by him but by somebody else, somebody who had dared to steal the right he long ago had claimed to be his. This angered him a lot and he could feel it rise slowly inside of him, like water heated up to boil but the grief and shock from this sight still controlled his heart and held it in their claw like hands as he stared at the corpse of Sinbad, the great man._

_Judal looked around, grief stricken and there stood Kouen, covered in blood which Judal was quite sure did not belong to him but the body of a dead man that was in this room._

_He clenched his fists and grit his teeth as he glared at the first prince of the Kou Empire, who just smirked back at him, clearly pleased with what he had done._

_"I promised to help you make the pain in your heart disappear. So I got rid of the cause of it."_

Quickly he sat up, panting heavily and his body trembled as he tried to sort his thoughts out. His hair sticked to his now rather damp body, he assumed that he had been sweating as he experienced the horrible and confusing nightmare which he had now been waken up by.

Slowly, Judal bit gently at his bottom lip and stared at really nothing in front of himself, he was nearly as good as paralyzed and eventually he had calmed down enough for his body to stop trembling so much, as if he had been naked and surrounded with the purest and whitest snow you could find.. He ran his hand through his black bangs, that we're sticking to his forehead because he has been sweating during his dream and took a deep breath before he lifted his gaze, from whatever he had been looking at up until now and looked at the door. Now that he was awake, he could just get up and go somewhere, he thought since staying in bed for all day would most certainly bore him, as well as remind him of last night which had left him in terror as he fell asleep and would most likely scar him for the rest of his miserable life. He could go watch Hakuryuu train, bother Kougyoku, talk to Kouha or just watch Koumei, Hakuei didn't interest him as much as the first three choices. He knew that he would have to avoid an encounter with Kouen though and he wasn't really up for a meeting with him right now. Funny how when you believe that things couldn't get any worse than they already were, they do and take a turnout you didn't think we're possible.

His clothes were still piled up next to the bed since he hadn't bothered to get dressed again after yesterday's surprise, it had haunted at least one of his dreams this night and he had woken up with wet and red cheeks, which was a very embarrassing and humiliating thing for him to realize that he had been crying during the nightmare that had been a reminder of what Kouen did to him.

Judal sighed and reached for his clothes, he winced a bit from pain in the process, his body still hurt and as he realized a few bruises here and there, he groaned and his crimson orbs stared at the ugly gathering of blood cells underneath his skin.

The bruises were small and blue, as well as red and a bit purple and it looked horrible against his pale and rather beautiful skin. Perhaps it looked so horrible according to him because it reminded him of the shame he had felt when Kouen had taken advantage of his temporary weakness. His reasons though, did not matter that much, it looked awful and Judal even wanted to peel those parts of his skin off, so that nobody would have to see them. They tainted his skin like opposite colors, it doesn't belong there.

Eventually, after getting lost in thought once again for a while, he got dressed in his clothes and then he slowly stood up, because his whole body hurt and he didn't even want to think about how much walking would hurt him to do right now. So, he took a deep breath and took a few steps, to be aware of how much it would hurt and the pain made him feel a bit ill and lightheaded. Hadn't Kouen claimed the earlier day that he cared about the Magi's wellbeing? Yeah, right he definitely did not because now he felt even worse than he had when he woke up, because this just added to how horribly much he felt sorry for himself. He pitied his own pathetic situation he was in now and damn, if he hadn't felt ashamed before, then he did now.

It felt like he was moving in slow motion as he made his way out of his room, every step hurt him and he bit at his bottom lip, yeah, to watch Hakuryuu train sounded like a terrific idea since the other choices may force him to walk further than he believed he was able to in this state.

On his way there, he grabbed a few peaches and sat down on the ground as he watched the youngest of the four princes train. Judal took a bite of the juicy and sweet fruit while he observed Hakuryuu's way of training himself to get stronger. Actually, how deferment he was to get stronger was kind of cute but the Magi could sense the strong hate inside of the young man's heart and he had various of times been tempted to take advantage of him because he assumed that it would be interesting and rather fun.

However, right now the only reason that he was present at this time, was to take his mind off of all of the confusing things yesterday such as the never ending thoughts about Sinbad and what the oldest prince of the Kou Empire had done to him yesterday.

He sighed and once again took a bite from the peach he held in his hand as Hakuryuu turned around and looked at him with a stern face and Judal thought to himself that the hateful expression he wore on his face suited him very well. Hate, looked good on nearly every creature of this universe.

"Judal, what are you doing here?" asked the blue haired, young prince.

"I am sure that you have eyes to be able to tell yourself, Hakuryuu. I am watching you train." Judal said with a smirk playing on his lips.

"Then go away, unless you have something important to tell." answered the other man coldly.

"You're so cold." Judal said as he laughed at how serious the prince was.

Sighing, Hakuryuu decided to ignore the magi and he went back to his training, aware of that he was still there though.

Judal watched him for a while but as some time had passed, he grew bored and slowly stood up and, much to Hakuryuu's relief, left the youngest prince alone to continue his training on his own.

The Magi gazed up at the sky and watched the white and fluffy clouds.

'Damn,' he thought to himself. ',I can't stop thinking about him..'

Judal kept walking on and on by himself, eventually he had adjusted to the pain and was now used to it enough to be able to endure it with each step that he took. Despite that his body was in pain, he hid it quite well and avoided unnecessary questions about his own health and whether he was alright or not. Also, he had miraculously been able to avoid Kouen for all of the hours that has passed, which was a great thing and he was relieved to not have to encounter the first prince of the Kou Empire. Their meeting sure would be uncomfortable and awkward if they were to meet right now, well at least for him; he knew that for a fact.

As he kept walking, he thought about who else to bother, since he had already been watching Hakuryuu, Koumei and Kouha by now, so, he decided to check up on Kougyoku. The Magi walked towards her room and without knocking on the door, he opened it and stepped inside the princess' room, as if he owned the place. This was something he always did, Judal hardly ever knocked and would show up uninvited all of the time, because if he wanted to do something, he had the right to do it.

"Kougyoku," he said as he stepped inside and was just about to finish his sentence when he found the man he had been trying to avoid for the whole day, stand in the same room as the eight princess.

"Judal?" said Kougyoku and looked his way and so did the prince.

"I, uhm.." said Magi found himself staring at the oldest prince, in what he quite sure was fear, anger, confusion and shame mixed all together, he was certainly not fond of it since Kouen seemed to find it slightly entertaining. "Never mind!"

"Judal?" asked the young princess in confusion as she, together with her brother watched the magi leave the room as suddenly as he had arrived.

With a face turned red out of humiliation, Judal continued his walk down the lonely and empty halls, angered by the fact that he had walked into the eight princess' room, just to find out that the first prince, whom he had been doing his best to avoid up until now, was present in that room.

He let out a sigh, not fit for somebody with a character like him and he leaned against a wall, his crimson orbs locked on nothing but thin air. For once his mind was nothing but an empty shell as well and the Magi was unable to think anything at all. However, he preferred this rather than to have to think about a certain king and something that a prince had done to him. He embraced this emotion that caused him to feel empty, so lovingly, as if it had been a long lost lover and he had missed it for years. His reason for this was very simple, it kept him warm, like a blanket and allowed him to forget about Sinbad.

What he, himself did not realize that despite believing that it helped him forget, it filled him with a bitter emotion and a longing for him, since still, even though he believed otherwise, his mind was still obsessed with thoughts of the man with purple hair. It just tricked him with a bittersweet delusion, it lied and whispered sweet words but nothing but lies in his ears.

Let's destroy him, you hate him so much anyway.


End file.
